


The last item on my list

by TheSPN_addiction



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Angst, Death, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-25
Updated: 2017-11-25
Packaged: 2019-02-06 13:43:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12818787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheSPN_addiction/pseuds/TheSPN_addiction
Summary: Just a sad little work I wrote from a random prompt. Dan is close to death and the last thing on his bucket list is to kiss his soulmate one more time.





	The last item on my list

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first decent fic I've written in awhile. Feedback is very welcomed.

It had been the best 5 months of my life, even though they were the last ones. In May I’d gotten the call saying the scans had come up positive. I didn't have long and I should start getting things in order. It was like a giant 'fuck you' from the universe. I’d been depressed since I was 11 years old. Now at 19 things had finally started to go right. I had a job, plans for the future, a wonderful group of friends, everything I needed. After I got the news I started my bucket list. Cliche I know. It’s important to remember I’m almost dead and this is what cool people do before they die. I’ve gone skydiving and skiing. I've sailed halfway across the world and met 3 of my heroes. Now I face the daunting final task. The last thing on the list that scared me more than jumping out of a fully functioning plane.

I stand now in front of a door. Not a metaphorical door that when opened will show me my future or something. It’s a door to an apartment labeled 207. Knocking on this door could end any number of ways but I convinced myself already this is a good idea. I raise my hand and knock twice and I notice now my hand is shaking. Shuffling is coming from behind it. When he opens the door I almost can't breathe, because this is real and he's real and I haven't seen those eyes in two years. “Phil.” I exhale. His eyes are wide with shock and his whole body is stood still. “Daniel? What the hell?” It’s not the response I was expecting but it’s not hatred so I accept it. “Um, I needed to see you. I can’t say why. May I come in for a few minutes?” I ask. He’s moving away from the door so I can step inside but for a second I think about what I have to do. This could be a horrible mistake. I walk in anyway.

The apartment is lightly furnished and I stand in the center of what seems to be a living room. When I turn around Phil is starring at me, still confused. “What do you need Dan. It has to be important for you to show up after two years at 1 am.” I sigh and nod. “To be fair, I knew you’d be up.” he chuckles and walks towards me hesitantly. “ You remember that do you? My late nights?” and I feel a pang in my chest because yes, I remember all of the late nights and the early ones. I remember when I’d get him to come to bed and hold me when I couldn't sleep… and I remember in the last days when he wasn't home to come to bed with me anyway. “Can I get you anything to drink?” he says, suddenly pulling me from my memories. 

I glance up and notice he’s backed away again and I remember what I came here for. Without giving an answer I start walking towards him. “ Dan what are you-” but before he can finish the question I’ve wrapped my arms around his neck and pulled him down to my lips. The shock causes him to freeze but I keep kissing him. Tears flow down my cheeks and my lips almost go numb from how hard I'm pressing into him but I don't break the connection. Slowly, I feel Phil’s arms come to rest around my waist and his lips gently responding to my harsh assault. He guides me back against a wall. I feel the love and loss and regret radiate through both of us and his tears are mixing with my own on our cheeks. We’re both saying our apologies without saying a word. When I finally pull back I can't look at him. I can't because I know if I see anything close to love I’ll want to stay and he doesn't know I'm a dead man walking. I came to be selfish and that’s what I’d done. 

“ I-I have to go now.” I pushed him away and raced for the door but he grabbed my arm and pulled me back. “ Dan” I looked at the floor “Dan!” Anything but those eyes “Daniel!” he grabbed my chin and forced me to look at his face. God dammit there was love there, love and anger and confusion. “Why, after all this time, would you do this.” I stared vacantly at him and hoped he’d let me go without an answer. “Please bear.” I couldn't handle that. Too many memories of sweet kisses and lazy afternoons. “I had to Phil,” my voice broke “You were my last regret. My one true sadness.” I pulled the list from my pocket and held it out to him. He let go of my arm and unfolded the yellow paper. He scanned the inside contents until he got to the last line. He took a shaky breath and read “Kiss my soul mate one last time.” he scrubbed a hand over his face. 

“You're dying?” it was barely a whisper and I couldn't believe the pain in those few words. “Yeah. Have been for a while. Saved the best for last.” It was meant as a joke but there was no humor in my voice. Phil looked like he could fall apart any minute now. “Why didn't you tell me. I could've helped pay for treatments, I could've gotten you into the top hospitals in the country. I could've done something.” he was shaking so bad and I felt the need to reach out to him, he didn't stop me so I hugged around his waist. “It’s not that type of dying Phil. The type that can be stopped. I was done for long before they noticed it.” Phil held me so tight I thought I would explode. It was almost as if he was trying to keep me there forever, as a part of himself. “I can't stay. It’s not good for either of us. I just needed to kiss you again. I couldn't die knowing our last kiss was after some hate fuck.” Even as I was saying the words I held tighter to him. I didn't want to go anywhere, which is exactly why I had to.

I pushed him off and straightened myself out. “I'm leaving now. Please don't try to stop me. If I stay with you any longer I don't know if I can talk myself into going again.” I walk and I'm almost completely out the door before there's a hand on my shoulder, I can feel my body trembling. “Phil please let me go.” And I'm sobbing, hard and gross. He turns me around and placed his lips on mine again, this time he's the one pressing hard into me. It’s hot and desperate and all the words we hadn't said to each other when we should've. It feels like it did in the beginning, so new and good, so warm. I now remember why I fell in love with him. So passionate. I always gave into him so easily. He pulls back with a gasp “You can't leave again. Not like this.” somehow I knew he was right. I couldn't leave. And I didn't. I stayed with Phil for my last week of life. Somehow all the things that had happened before didn’t matter. He loved me for as long as he could, and the last thing I saw was that love in his blue eyes.


End file.
